Stormy's Corner

Book review: All God's Children. A great book on street kids.

In college, I volunteered at the Covenant House. Every Thursday from 7-10pm we would drive around the worst parts of Houston handing out sandwiches and juice packs to the homeless and letting them know that any homeless kids were welcome back at the Covenant House.

What impressed me the most was how different the homeless adults were from the teenagers. The adults were what you would expect homeless to be like. Some depressed, some hungry, some listless, some drunk, some too embarrassed to tell their kids they were living on the streets, usually grateful for a sandwich or a clean pair of socks. The kids on the other hand were on an adventure. None of them ever came back to the Covenant House with us. They always had someone to stay with, or a car to ride in to Las Vegas, ... places to go, things to see. And they never seemed hungry. Full of hope. And then I would listen to them talk and be just horrified. I will always remember the conversation between two fifteen year old girls, with babies in their laps, talking about the job they had the night before at a strip club. The way they had been treated was inhumane. (I tried  - unsuccessfully - to get all my friends to avoid strip clubs in Houston forever.) Yet these girls just took it in stride. At the time, I thought it was because they were kids and kids had more hope and maybe more strength and flexibility. After reading Rene Denfeld's book All God's Children: Inside the Dark and Violent World of Street Families, I now think it's because they live in an alternate reality, a completely different culture, than the rest of us. Rene Denfeld describes the completely alien culture of street kids in a way that not only made sense but completely matched what I saw. It was fascinating and terrifying.

As a side note, Rene blames many of the agencies that help street kids for promoting the street kid culture. By providing them food and resources they enable the street life - large groups of kids with nothing to do except hang out and create their own rules. Very harsh and violent rules.

Why do working moms always feel guilty?

I am supposed to be excited that I'm going to the French Quarter Festival in New Orleans this weekend. But I'm not. Because right now I'm sitting in a hotel room for the 3rd week in a row and I have another business trip next week. So instead of being excited, I'm feeling guilty that I will only see the kids on Thursday this week. It's a good thing we had a good weekend together last week!

I read this article in the Washington Post today about moms who go back 60% or 80% in order to spend more time with their kids. After a Baby, Full Time or Part?

It all makes me wonder how you even measure it. I suppose what I'm really measuring is how much enjoyment I'm missing. Because I'm sure Caleb is ok and happy. He loves day care and he loves Daddy. And while I'm sure he misses me, when I get home, we always have to reiterate that we don't have cookies for breakfast. (Frank says they never have cookies for breakfast but Caleb lets me know that's what he expects!)

And do Dads feel guilty? Because 99% of them go back full time! (I actually think women are lucky that it's more acceptable for them to work part-time or stay at home.)

Luckily for me, I don't usually travel this much and my normal work/life balance - work Mon-Thurs with an occasional business trip - is one I enjoy and Frank and the kids seem to do alright with.

Studying babies is hard

Life with Caleb, my 19 month old, can be really frustrating these days. We spent 15 minutes listening to babbling screams last night before we figured out he wanted a straw! A straw.

Well, researchers have the same trouble. These researchers were trying to figure out if babies younger than 9 months have the concept of "object permanence" or is it really "out of sight, out of mind." They were stumped because if they put an object under a cloth, if when the removed the cloth, the object was gone, babies would stare longer than if the object was there. Implying that they knew something should still be there. The researchers concluded, very inconclusively, that babies do know the object should be there. They just don't reach for it because then they'd have to figure out that removing the cloth would show the object. Huh? I think researchers know as little about communicating with babies as the rest of us.

Give kids their freedom back

Kids have been losing their freedom - because we're afraid. I'm proud of this woman for letting her nine year old find his own way home on the New York subway. She knew he was ready, he knew he was ready, and she "took the risk". Although judging from the fact that she blogged about it not only did she think everyone else would think it was a big deal, she thought it was a big deal.

Putting school kids in the criminal database

When I first saw the title "Put young children on DNA list, police urge", I thought of those fingerprint cards. The ones where you take your child's fingerprints and keep it in case they ever get kidnapped. So when I read the article, expecting to see a "keep kids safe" theme, I was horrified to see it was a "identify the bad kids" article.

The director of the Scotland Yard wants teachers to identify potential "future criminals" - kids who misbehave in elementary school. He wants their DNA recorded in a database so that they can identify them when they commit crimes later in life.

So not only would your child be suspended for carrying his dad's Leatherman to school but now he'll also be branded for life as a "potential criminal".

Best gift for that new geek mom or dad

The best gift for that new geek mom or dad? A one handed keyboard.

I wish I could txt msg better - that might work too.

When can kids tell that a mistake is a joke?

It's related to when they can tell that you are lying. I knew that kids could start lying around two years old - or even 18 months. ("Is your diaper dirty?" - "No!") A new study shows that:

Toddlers as young as 19 months are able to distinguish jokes from mistakes

Before this, mistakes are just as funny as jokes. About 19 months they'll start trying to correct the mistakes and only laugh at the jokes. And about 25 months they can start to realize you might be able to lie, and they can tell if you are making a mistake on purpose to be funny. "Oops - I put my shoe on my ear!"

Mommy got it!

Caleb talks a lot and we try hard to understand - but our lack of understanding leads to a lot of meltdowns.

Yesterday Caleb walked over to me, jabbered away and then lifted up his arms to be picked up. I picked him up and went to sit down and Caleb screamed!  So I took a sniff, made a guess and said, "do you need a clean diaper?"  Caleb was so excited he did the happy dance!  He stuck out his chin, bent at the waist, moved his arms like he was running while twisting back and forth at the waist.

I felt so proud I got it!  I also felt stupid that I so obviously don't understand him so much of the time that when I do understand, it's cause for celebration!

Of course, this story could be seen from a whole different point of view.  Instead of "Mommy got it," Caleb could be singing, "I co-mu-ni-ca-ted!  I can talk to peo-ple!"  The happy dance might really have nothing to do with me at all!

Our kitchen organizer extraordinaire ...

... would you like to hire him?  He's quite good at redecorating the kitchen.

Avoid the uh-oh mornings!

I really need to find a ritual to undo the "uh-oh morning."  This morning I was greeted with an uh-oh (again.)  It wasn't as bad as last time, but it wasn't good.

Caleb's uh-oh was that his pajama legs had come down so far, he was tripping on them.  (Easy for Mom to fix.)

My uh-oh was the entire coffee pot coming off its mountings and spilling 10 cups of water and coffee everywhere. 

It's an uh-oh morning

I should have known I was in for it when the baby greeted me this morning with "uh-oh." 

"What's uh-oh?"

"Uh-oh."

When your diaper comes off under your pajamas, that's uh-oh.  So I put him in the tub.  Turns out there was more uh-oh coming.  I know there was a Dirty Job show about how to clean baby and poop out of the bathtub but I must not have paid enough attention.  Next time.  Next time they can feature us.

On to the dishes.  It turns out that shrimp ceviche and cheese sauce do not wash well in the dish washer.  In the process of unloading the dishes to manually wash them, the dishwasher rack fell off and a margarita glass fell and ... uh-oh.

It's an uh-oh morning but since it's not even eight o'clock, I figure we can just start over!

Have a good uh-oh morning!

How much allowance did you get?

There's an interesting blog post over on freemoneyfinance that is asking two serious financial questions:

• How much did you get for an allowance as a kid?
• How much did the tooth fairy leave you?

I answered:

I got $1/week allowance starting around first grade and $1/tooth from the tooth fairy. 

My seven year old stepson gets $1/week at both houses and $1/tooth from the tooth fairy. I think the tooth fairy is being a bit cheap since she gave me a $1/tooth over 25 years ago!

What about you?

A truly disposable society: disposable underwear

I knew we lived a disposable society the time Jacob and I broke a wine glass and he said, "it's ok, we can buy another one."  That's his answer to most problems: we can always buy a solution.  Makes you wonder what our society will be like when all our kids are adults.  They have grown up with cheap, replaceable things.  Things are not treasured and saved.  You use them, break them, lose them, buy new ones.  No big deal.

This had to top them all though: disposable underwear:

"Nundies are a one-time use, pantyless panty that adheres to the inside inseam of a woman's pants. Nundies are a great fashion solution product for women who want to go bare-down-there without the discomfort of itchy clothing. Nundies also save women from the embarrassment of tacky panty lines and from having to wear uncomfortable thongs."

The really bad thing is that I immediately thought, "cool, I should check into those!"  (My suitcase would be lighter coming home ...) 

How long until all our clothing is disposable like hospital gowns?

Sleeping with a softball

Caleb, our 15 month old, likes to sleep with a ball.  Softball, football, whatever.  He curls up hugging it.  He must have gotten that from Frank.  I mean - I don't even like to play catch!

Reading Milestone #2

Yesterday Caleb went and got one of his books, handed it to me and then went and got another book and came down and sat next to me.  We read for all of sixty seconds but it was very cute!

A Reading Milestone!

We reached a reading milestone today!  I was sitting on the kitchen floor reading (that's what I do to feel less guilty about Frank cooking) and Caleb (15 months old) went and got a book and sat down next to me to read it.  He read The Nose Book, Toys, and several others in the time it took me to read a couple of pages.

A romantic evening out

Caleb, at 14 months, is at a really fun age and so eating out is quite the adventure.  (Monday night he kept trying to go into the restaurant kitchen and he screamed bloody murder all the way to the car because he liked the restaurant.)

So it was a really nice treat when Granny and Papaw watched Caleb last night so that Frank and I could go out to dinner and a movie.  We've had breaks and baby sitters before (mostly thanks to Granny and Papaw!) but we'd never just gotten someone to watch him so we could go out on a date.

We went to a new restaurant called the Bonefish Grill complete with white table clothes, candlelight and wine.  I had a yummy dish - a fish from Argentina that I'd never heard of and can't remember the name of - and Frank had a mahi-mahi with goat cheese dish that was even better.  Then we snuck our leftover wine into the movie theater and saw American Gangster.  A good movie (how could it go wrong with Denzel Washington and Russell Crowe?) and an amazing true story.  I'd heard parts of that story but never the whole extent of the drug smuggling operation.

Thanks Granny and Papaw!

We need a mommy/kid hangout

I would like a place to hang out with my friends that our kids are happy at.  Preferably some place that even those without kids would enjoy coming to hang out with us. 

McDonald's has got this down except, well, it's McDonalds.  The seats aren't comfortable and the food isn't great.  Unless you want to sit there all morning drinking a diet coke - I've done that.  I've also noticed many other moms hanging out there for hours, either together or alone with their book.

Chucky Cheese has the right idea but the food is just terrible.  And it's also got that plastic feel - the place, not the food.  If they redecorated and improved the food, I might go and might even invite people to go with me.

Dave'n'Buster's is close, really close, but it's targeted at older kids.

I want a place that has an atmosphere and food that matches my interests (think brew pub style) with a playground for kids - little kids through medium size kids.  How hard can that be?  Do they exist and not just near my house?  If so, what are they?  Maybe I can talk one of my friends into opening one ...

What does a skeleton costume mean to you?

He's worn his costume every day since Halloween.  He brings it to me and then tries to put his arms in it.  Once it's on, he bawls!  But he doesn't want it off.  Any ideas what he wants?

Other things are clear.  The tray to the high chair means he's hungry.  His coat means he wants to go outside.  But the skeleton costume??  He hasn't had any candy and he went outside on Halloween but not trick-or-treating.

Things 7 year olds say to little brothers

Jacob (7 years old) talking to his very tired and unhappy little brother (14 months):

• It's tough being a kid, isn't it?
• Look on the bright side ...
• Let's take a nap together.
• I've got a good idea! How about we play the quiet game!

Too bad his little brother didn't find it as funny as I did. 

It's a sad world when we suspect kids

In the midst of all the trick-or-treaters last night, a teenage boy knocked on the door and asked if he could use our bathroom.  I said of course and pointed to the bathroom.  After he left, we all realized we'd been suspicious.  We talked about how sad it was that we were all mentally wondering what he could steal from the bathroom.  (Nothing, basically.)   

How sad is that?  A world where we automatically suspect the worst of our kids!

Caleb the Intrepid Explorer

Caleb antelope hunting in Wyoming.

A good article on Mommy Blogs

I don't think Stormy's Corner is a 100% mommy blog but sometimes it's more mommy blog than other times.  The Denver Post has a good article today about mommy blogs (and how much money they are making for some women.)  The opening paragraph had me laughing.  I definitely had that "nasty case of whiplash!"

Julie Marsh started blogging as she recovered from a nasty case of the type of whiplash women often experience after shifting at warp speed into motherhood.

A move to southeast-suburban Parker only a few weeks before had compounded her malady. Her husband wanted to pursue a great job opportunity. Her kids - a toddler and an infant - would love their new fenced-in backyard.

Bye-bye, awesome job at a New York City music company, Marsh thought. Hello, stay-at-home mommydom. Bye-bye bustling neighborhood filled with friends, boutiques and coffee shops. Hello chain restaurants, strip malls and driving, driving and more driving.

Fortunately, my blog didn't make enough money for us to live off of.  I say fortunately because I don't think sitting at home writing all day would be my favorite career ... now if they write a blog post a day and make it ... well, then, I need to work on my writing!

Boy Calls 911 Because Mom Driving Drunk

I don't know whether to be sad for the mom or proud for the kid.  This eight year old called 911 not once, but several times, as his mom kept taking the phone away from him and hanging up.  I hope she gets her life straightened out soon for her kids' sakes.

Vancouver-area mom arrested after son calls 911 about her driving

Is homework good for kids?

The Truth about Homework clearly argues that homework is not good for kids - or at least that the cons of homework outway the pros.  I think I definitely learned more in the classroom than I did from any homework but I learned two things from homework:

1. How to write papers.  We never wrote a whole research paper in school.  I can remember writing my first papers in sixth grade.  (I can also remember my mom telling me I could do much better - something the teacher never would have told me as I got A's on them!  Mom was right of course.  The question was, did it matter?)
2. How not to procrastinate.  When we moved to Spain when I was in 7th grade it would take me several hours a night to do my homework - mostly because I was struggling with the Spanish.  Carmen, our next door neighbor who watched us after school, would feed us a snack right after school and then we would all sit at the dining room table working on school work until we were done.  To this day, I am not a big procrastinator.  Just sit down and do it.  (And this is why I got to play pool and go out in college while my roommates slaved away!  Come home, go to your room where it's quiet, do your homework, come out, say hi to everyone and then go to the pub while they sit around talking and doing homework.  I think we all did the same amount of socializing and homework but I think I felt less stressed.)

I also enjoyed doing my math homework and doing a lot of math problems probably cemented the how-to that I learned in school.  Other than that, I can't remember getting a lot out of my homework but maybe my parents would have a different opinion ...

Best infant costume

If Caleb was still crawling, this is what he'd be for Halloween. Since he's walking, I have something else in mind and you will have to wait and see!

Caleb's first word: uh-oh

Caleb's been talking a lot lately - but I've had trouble distinguishing any clear words.  Every once in a while he'll say a bunch of stuff altogether and I'll say "yeah!" and he looks at me like I've lost my mind and I wonder what I've just said yes to ...

... but his first clearly distinguishable word is beyond a doubt "uh-oh."  He even uses it appropriately, like after spilling half of a box of raisins on the floor.  It usually sounds more like "yuh-go" but it's very clearly "uh-oh!"

Getting Caleb into the Attic: "That's what pillows are for!"

Our seven year old likes to play in the garage attic.  To get into the attic, you have to climb a yellow rope and not everyone can do that, so it's a secret hideout.  Turns out he's been working on how to get his one year old brother up there!  Last night he said "I think maybe we could put Caleb in a bucket and pull him up into the attic.  But he might be too heavy."  When I mentioned that Caleb might fall out of the attic, he said, "That's what pillows are for!"

I have eight pairs of eyes

According to a reputable seven year old, I have eight pairs of eyes all over my head.  This causes other people to get in trouble a lot.

Being a step-parent

I've heard from at least three different people in the last week that being a step-parent is hard. 

I think being a parent is hard.  I think being a kid with four parents and two homes is hard.  I really don't think being a stepmom is that much harder than being a mom.  (Once in a while it's a bit frustrating when someone listens to dad when they wouldn't listen to you but most of the time there's no difference.)  The difference is it's just a bit harder communicating among four parents and keeping consistent rules than it is between two, but I don't think I have it any harder than any of the other three parents! 

Now if someone would just show me where that Magic Guidebook to Parenting is ...

Caleb eating cake

Here's Caleb eating cake at his first birthday party.  He's screaming in the last picture not because he doesn't like it but because he wanted a third piece!

3 things you never knew before you had kids

Here's three things I never knew before I had kids:

1. You have to practice bookmarking.  Not the computer bookmarks, the old fashioned kind.  You do this by crawling around the house and pulling the bookmark out of every book you find.  You then try to insert the bookmark back in the book.  Pull out and repeat.  If someone is holding you and a book at the same time ... well, that's the perfect opportunity to practice your bookmarking skills.  (As a side benefit, you get to watch them yell too!)
2. Corn kernels can go in your mouth and come out the other end without changing at all.  You can eat a whole cup and a whole cup comes out in the diaper.  What a diet plan!
3. You will go to the doctor more in the first year of life than all of the next 30 combined.  Even if you only go for the regular, suggested appointments.

Got any others?

Does your doctor take your concerns seriously?

As I said in my last post about choosing a new doctor, we've seen a lot - like really a lot - of medical people this year.  I've really come to appreciate medical people that take my concerns seriously (all of those visits but one were very necessary) and I've become really annoyed at people who don't take me seriously or don't believe me.

Today, before the doctor even looked at Caleb she was already trying to tell me there was not much chance of him having an ear infection because he didn't have a fever and he wasn't fussing with his ears.  I felt myself getting defensive - and a bit worried that she might not even look at his ears!  I think I stayed civil and calm.  The minute she peeked in his ear, she said, "Oh, that's definitely infected!" and I didn't even say "I told you so!" 

In contrast, I took Caleb to the ER a couple of weeks ago and they made me feel believed, trusted, knowledgeable, ...  When all of Caleb's terrible choking sounds stopped when we got there,  I was so worried they wouldn't believe me!  But they went out of their way to listen to me and to check him.  They even took xrays!  (Turns out he had a throat infection and his throat was swollen so much that when he cried his vocal cords would hit the sides of his throat and it sounded terrible!  It got Frank and I out of bed faster than I think we've ever moved before!)

Does your doctor believe you?  Or do they take a "I'll be the judge of that" attitude with you?

When do you need a new doctor?

When do you decide you need a new doctor?  In the past year we've been to the hospital once, the ER three times, urgent care twice and the doctor's office countless times!  That's a lot of medical care - and all of the visits except one justified some type of medical treatment.  So today when I called the doctor's office to ask a nurse a question - to see if we needed to see a doctor - and she told me there were no doctors or nurses on staff and I should go to urgent care ... well, I decided we needed a new plan.  So I called a pediatrician who works in an office of pediatricians.  Because of their large staff of doctors they were able to fit Caleb in right away.  We had to jump in the car to make it in time.  (Instead of half a mile away, they are 15 miles away.)

So while I really liked Caleb's small town family doctor - he always took the time to sit down and answer all my questions and he had a very matter of fact, no worrying way of looking at things - I really needed a doctor we could see on short notice.  One that wouldn't constantly refer me to urgent care and the emergency room.  When your kid has an ear infection, you can't wait till next Tuesday.

Flying with small children

I just read an excellent article about flying with small children.  Here's a few tips from How to Fly with Kids: 

1. Book a bulkhead row to prevent your child from kicking the seat in front of her.
2. Reserve a window seat for your child. Most children enjoy looking out the window during flights.
3. Use a backpack as a diaper bag; this will leave your hands free for other things.
4. Pack empty bottles or sippy cups. Once you go through security, you can buy water and juice to fill them. You can also ask the flight attendants to fill them with water or juice.

There are lots more in the article!  One I would add from personal experience is explain ahead of time how security works and what happens if they select your bag for additional screening.  Jacob still thinks those security guys are mean for taking his backpack!

Book review: Learn to Swim

Learn to Swim: Step-by-Step Water Confidence and Safety Skills for Babies and Young Children is a beautiful book about teaching kids to swim.  It has great pictures, step by step instructions, and games and techniques for teaching your children how to swim.  I especially liked the fact that it very clearly stated what children can learn at each stage.  So Caleb is now old enough to be learning how to hold his breath.  (He's 11 months old.)  They not only said he can learn how to hold his breath, but explained how to teach him and what to watch for to see if he's comfortable with it or we need to take some more time.  I now have a very clear guide of what I can work on with him and what I might want to wait a bit on. 

As a side note, my problem with Caleb is not making sure he's comfortable or getting his face wet - it's teaching him that he's not a fish - he can't just walk in water over his head!  He was quite happy to be in the water and immediately went walking towards his dad and didn't seem to mind at all that it meant he inhaled a couple of lungfuls of water in the process! 

Book review: Speaking of Boys

I've read a couple of books on boys and the best by far is Speaking of Boys: Answers to the Most-Asked Questions About Raising Sons.  It's set up in a question and answer style and it answers questions like:

• why are brothers competitive?
• does my son really mean to be that mean to his sister?
• why is my son preening like this and will it ever end?
• what to do as a divorced mom breaking up with someone
• what do do when your son starts acting abusive or violent
• how to react to your son (or his friend) lying

But I found it most useful in understanding boys' humor.  I don't find most "boy jokes" very funny and I struggle on how to respond and I struggle with understanding why they are funny - from farts to knock-knock jokes.  (I'd like to be in on the joke!  It looks like fun.) Michael Thomson did a really good job of explaining how boys use humor to gain status with their friends and in their social groups and he even gave some good advise to people like me who just don't get it. 

I learned a lot from this book and I highly recommend it to anyone who is occasionally baffled by boys - small or big ones.

Babies can lie

New research shows that babies can "lie" as early as six months.  For example, they can pretend to laugh or pretend to cry to get attention.  Before this researchers thought kids didn't know how to lie until they were about four years old.  I don't think they are talking about lying as a form of deception - crying to get attention isn't lying.  It's crying on purpose. 

I think any mom could have told you babies will laugh or cry just to get attention - not because they are sad or happy.  At 10 months, Caleb has already mastered the art of laughing just to get people's attention.  Is he lying?  Not really.  He's just learned that laughing gets people's attention.  He's not pretending to laugh - he's actually laughing.

Owies are good for kids

The Royal Society for Prevention of Accidents had decided that taking risks, playing with friends and some bumps and bruises are good for kids.  That's good to hear because Caleb has almost permanent lumps on both sides of his head from taking face dives onto hard floors.  He's getting better at catching himself though - he must have abs and back muscles of steel!

The best way to get up early

This article has 10 Benefits of Rising Early, and How to Do It.  They forgot one big way to get up early:

Get a Baby!

Caleb wakes up every morning between 5:30 and 7:00 and while he's happy playing by himself for a while, sooner or later he wants someone to come get him and make a bottle!

How many words an hour does your kid hear?

I read an interesting article in the Economist about Marriage in America.  But the quote that really peaked my interest was the difference in the number of words children from different types of homes heard in an hour:

One study found that a college professor's kids hear an average of 2,150 words per hour in the first years of life. Working-class children hear 1,250 and those in welfare families only 620.

My grandmother told me I was going to talk her ear off when I was little - I guess that's what comes from having two parents as teachers!

Should the drinking age be lowered?

I have to agree with McCardell, the president of Middlebury College:

He notes that 18-year-olds have a right to marry, adopt children, serve as legal guardians for minors, purchase firearms from authorized dealers, and are trusted with the vote and military responsibilities. So, he says, it is not unreasonable to think that they can, with proper preparation, be trusted to drink.

Our laws restricting things dependent on age are just a little out of sync. 

Note that the drinking age is 21 in all 50 states because of the federal law that says the states lose 10% of the highway money if their drinking age is lower than 21.  That age is not based on any research that we suddenly understand how to drink responsibly at the age of 21.  I think there's ample evidence that many people have a problem drinking responsibly after the age of 21, so maybe we should spend more of our highway money on things like better public transportation that might prevent drunk driving instead of just trying to delay it until people are 21.

Caleb can too wave!

Last time Caleb waved a month ago I had a hard time convincing people he could wave since when you wave, he's so busy studying the person waving, that he can't wave himself.  So when he started waving again, I ran and got the camera.  Here you go!

There's also one of him giving me a high five:

Videos of the kids

Here's a video of Caleb trying his bouncy swing for the first time! 

I finally started playing with the video function on my camera and Anita has helped me with editing them.  So here's my first video blog post.

10 things you need to know about sailing with kids

We recently got back from a trip to the BVI with our six year old.  Here are 10 things you need to know about sailing with kids.

1. Find a life jacket they love and make sure they wear it whenever the boat is moving.  Jacob liked his a bit too much - we had to convince him to take it off when swimming!
2. Find fun things to do when anchored like jumping off the side of the boat or tie a swim float to the back of the boat and let them try to lie on it.  They can also snorkel to check the anchor.
3. Find fun things to do when sailing.  They can help steer, coil ropes or just play checkers and Uno.  This one was the most challenging to us.
4. Lots of snacks.  We couldn't believe how hungry our kiddo was but when we stopped to think about it - he never stopped moving!
5. Explain ahead of time that there may be times when you can't talk to them and you need them to sit still and stay out of the way - like when you are trying to navigate a tricky passage or when a big rainstorm with a huge gust of wind suddenly hits you.
6. Tell them where you are going and what they will find there.  Have them practice saying names like "Anegada" and "Jost Van Dyke."  Explain the things you are seeing.  Practice spotting mooring balls and other types of boats.



7. Realize that when they are very tired, injuries are much more likely to happen.  One day after a long day at the beach, Jacob managed to fall off his seat and hit his back on the wheel and his stomach on the seat.  Half an hour later he fell down the stairs hurting his back and slamming his front on the floor.  Tired kids get clumsy and boats aren't kind to clumsy people.
8. Schedule lots of time for their favorite activities and realize they may not be what you think they will be.  Beaches - playing in the sand - not swimming or snorkeling turned out to be Jacob's favorite.  (Also remember that kids tend to get really cold snorkeling for more than 30 minutes at a time.)
9. Be sure to explain how the head (i.e. the toilet) works and double check a few times that they are doing it right.  Jacob was really good about remembering not to put toilet paper in the head but it took him a few days to figure out to pump with water before pumping all the water out.
10. Don't forget the peanut butter!  Jacob requested a peanut butter sandwich everyday.  Ham, turkey, salami and pepperoni just didn't cut it.

And, unlike this picture, you probably shouldn't let them run on the boat.

How Jacob used his windup flashlight to save the day

For unknown reasons, Continental gave away all of our assigned seating on our first flight out of Denver.  The only two seats together that they could give us were in the last row of the airplane.  So Jacob and I sat in the last row and played Uno and checkers.  As anyone who has watched kids not sit still would understand, some how all of the (magnetic) checkers ended up spilling off the table and onto the floor.  After collecting all the ones we could see, we were still missing one, so Jacob crawled behind the seats with his wind up flashlight, and found the missing checker stuck to one of the seat legs.  I'm sure Jacob would tell you that his windup flashlight is an indispensible tool on any trip!

Jacob's first travel crisis

Remember what I said about getting behind children in line in security? Well, I was wrong.  On our way to the British Virgin Islands last week our six year old, Jacob, caught the attention of the TSA security agents.  In his Scooby Doo backpack he was carrying, in addition to the normal treasures, a metal box of travel games, a metal Bob the Builder box to collect treasures in and a wind up flashlight – oh, and a metal bell without the clapper. When his backpack hit the scanner’s screen the TSA agent stopped the conveyer belt, stared at the image for a while and then waved over one of her associates. The second guy stared for a while and then pulled out his radio and called for a third person! The third person collected Jacob's backpack and took it over to the explosive testing machine.  By this time, Jacob was starting to look really worried.  The agent took eveything out of the backpack, much to Jacob's concern, examined it all, tested it for explosives and then took all the contents and the backpack back to the scanner.  Jacob bravely fought back tears and asked why were they taking his backpack?  We got it back shortly after that and the agent explained they had never seen a wind up flashlight or a metal travel games box before.  Jacob is now sure he does not like security and that they take things from you!

What color eyes will your baby have?

As many of you know, I'm waiting impatiently to find out what color hair and what eyes Caleb will have.  In trying to figure it out I've discovered that eye color and hair color is not the simple "Bb" vs "bb" they taught us in elementary school science.  Now they think eye color is primarily determined by how one gene interacts with three other genes!  At least that's what I got out of the article.  I did learn one really interesting fact:

Green eyes probably represent the interaction of multiple variants [...] including perhaps the red-hair gene.

So green eyes and red-hair are related!

Photo by  myrtepeert.

What do baby's blankets have in common with murder's gloves?

Children become attached to a blankie or a toy for much the same reason that most of us don't want to own or touch anything belonging to a murderer.  Somehow, we (and the children) believe that there's an essence that belongs to people or things that can rub off.  At least that's what scientists are saying.  Personally, I think they've established that children love their blankies but they haven't really figured out why yet.

They did a study where they had a machine that magically copied objects.  (Really a researcher slid out a second object.)  Children were ok with the copies of all objects except the copy of their blankie.  Then only the original would do.  The only other exception they found was when the object was special because it belonged to someone special:

This unique property also applied to objects belonging to famous people. Hood and Bloom placed a metal goblet in the copying machine and told 6-year-olds that the object was special either because it was made of a precious metal or because it once belonged to the Queen.

When shown the original and a copy, children thought the duplicate silver goblet was worth the same as the original, but a goblet that once belonged to royalty was worth more than any copy.

So the next time you are getting frustrated with your child for wanting to carry their blankie or favorite stuffed animal into the swimming pool, ask yourself, would you want to wear a murderer's gloves?

Photo by frogmuseum2.

Would you save 2500 kids?

I sit around and wonder what to do with my life.  What's my purpose in life?  And then I read about someone like Irena Sendler.  This amazing woman saved the lives of 2500 children!  Can you imagine?  She helped 2500 Jewish children in Poland find homes with Catholic families so they would escape the concentration camp.  She herself was tortured but she didn't give away any information about the children.

I'm sure she didn't go out looking for ways to save the world but when the opportunity presented itself, she stepped up to the plate.  She saw a need and stepped in to help at great cost and expense to herself.

How do we make sure that if the opportunity presents itself to us, that we recognize it?  And how do we find these opportunities?  My first response is "well, we all won't get the opportunity to save children from the Nazis" but then my next thought is "no, but there's probably even bigger opportunities today." 

Irena Sendler is now 97 years old and her only regret is that she didn't do more. 

What's causing our kids to become autistic, fat, near-sighted and sleep deprived?

TV!  This latest study found that watching TV lowers melatonin levels which can create all sorts of nasty side effects in children.  This study (as others) linked TV watching in kids to:

• autism
• obesity
• trouble sleeping
• eye problems
• lower melatonin levels
• early puberty

In adults, "the risk of developing Alzheimer's disease increases with each extra daily hour of television viewing among people aged 20 to 60."

Watching TV must give people immense pleasure ... otherwise I can't imagine why they would expose themselves and their kids to so much of it. We spend nine months of pregnancy trying to eat right, drink no alcohol, get all sorts of prenatal tests and then we plop our toddlers down in front of another round of SpongeBob or Thomas the Tank Engine without a second thought.

Getting wealthy might not be good for your kids

Pursuing wealth may not be good for your kids says Pyschology Today:

the pursuit of status and material wealth by high-earning families (say, $120,000 and above) tends to leave skid marks on the kids, but in ways you might not have expected. Affluent suburban high schoolers not only smoke more, drink more and use more hard drugs than typical high schoolers do—they do so more than a comparison group of inner-city kids. In addition, they have much higher rates of anxiety and, in general, higher rates of depression.

Although once again, one of the strongest predictors of success was family dinners together!

The Secret of How to Talk to Your Kids

New York Magazine's How Not to Talk to Your Kids is scary!  According to the author (and many studies) when we tell kids they are smart, they are more likely to care about looking smart and will only pick tasks they are sure to succeed in.  If we tell them they did really well because they worked really hard, they are more likely to keep trying hard.

“When we praise children for their intelligence,” Dweck wrote in her study summary, “we tell them that this is the name of the game: Look smart, don’t risk making mistakes.”

In one study teachers said that students who were taught that they could work at being smart improved their study habits and grades.  Those that had been told they did well because they were smart, didn't improve.

Children are also dismissing compliments because they are getting too many insincere ones, "a teacher who praises a child may be unwittingly sending the message that the student reached the limit of his innate ability, while a teacher who criticizes a pupil conveys the message that he can improve his performance even further."

Another point they made is a random reward is better than a reward everytime.  I remember this from college psychology and dog training.  A treat once in a while for